


Lady Bitterness

by BloodInTheWater33



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Love/Hate, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-28 01:25:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15037676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodInTheWater33/pseuds/BloodInTheWater33
Summary: From time to time, Izaya is overcome by the feelings he claims not to have.





	Lady Bitterness

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a lil' snack for your coffee break, please enjoy.  
> Based on Lady Bitterness by Broken Back. I recommend listening to it while you read. (It's so beautiful.)

_I can hear her whispers in my ears_

_Feel her breath grow stronger by the years_

_Is she crying, yes long time no see_

_I haven't missed you dear_

_Why are you calling me?_

 

The wind is cold on top of the abandoned building next to Raira Academy, blowing harshly against Izaya’s side as he’s perched on the rooftop’s concrete edge. He stares down into the school yard, not unlike he used to do as a student. An acidic kind of nostalgia pulled him to this place today. It is like lead inside his chest, clogs his throat almost, a bitter taste on his tongue. It overcomes him from time to time. He’s always unprepared, but never surprised.

Everything that is pressed down and buried pushes its way back outside eventually.

So he just lets it push him over. It will fade; he’ll force it back down again. Just for now, he is powerless. He lets himself be drowned by the thoughts of what could have been, the thought of him.

Over the years, it has become the companion Izaya had never asked for. Hopelessly, he wonders if it will ever go away. So many years have passed but the gash never closed, festering in secret and throbbing dull enough to ignore most of the time. Until moments like this.

 The cold wetness on his cheeks might be raindrops but nothing more.

 

                                                                                                                *******

 

_Lost in the light of your eyes_

_Keep failing but it's no surprise_

_I need to resist but I can't let go_

 

The streets of Ikebukuro are overcrowded but Izaya sees him anyway. His eyes are drawn to him magnetically; blonde hair shining golden in the sinking sun.  Golden eyes find his over the distance between them and draw him in like a moth to the flame. They always find him. Since the first day they met. And no matter how much he tries to stay away from this man, this monster, his downfall-

He can’t.

 

 

                                                                                                              *******

 

 

_Feel the anger_

_Growing stronger_

_Careless wishes_

_Always leads me to you_

_Always leads me to you_

 

Those devious red eyes. That taunting smile. That was enough to make his blood grow hot inside his veins, building into a fire, back then in high school and now without change. The urge to follow this infuriating being, to grab him – irresistible now as always. When Shizuo gives chase, his feet pushing back against the concrete forcefully, it’s beyond his control.

He is always there. Everywhere. Before his eyes or just at the back of his mind, and he doesn’t leave him alone, doesn’t let him escape. No matter where he goes, the vision of black hair against porcelain skin, of sharp features and piercing eyes follows him.

Izaya.

 He craves to touch him only to crush his bones. He wants to hear his own name drip from his lips only in a plea for mercy. He hates the power that flea has over him, the things that he makes him do. So he **hates him**. That’s all he knows.

 

 

Neither of them expects it when Izaya slips on a piece of plastic on the ground, stumbles off balance, and crashes into the bricks of a wall in this narrow alley. It’s unexpected but Shizuo’s reaction is automatic. He halts, grabs him, pushes him up against the wall before Izaya can even parse what’s happening. Only ten inches between them, hot breath fanning against each other’s cheeks in a rhythm as wild as their heartbeats. He never caught him before. The novelty of the situation and the shock that comes with it strip away layers of dishonesty.

They look at each other.  And for a moment, there is nothing else.

Izaya’s gaze full of pain and longing. Shizuo’s full of fire and frustrated need. Both of them trapped, trapped by each other.

 

_Always leads me to you_

_Always leads me to you_

_I've been waiting for you_

_I've been waiting for you_

 

 

Distance. The last few centimeters neither dares to cross. It’s the poisonous pull of wanting too much what you can never, ever have. It’s as much a hot iron on their heaving chests as a bar of cold steel between them, seperating them, resistance too deeply ingrained to unlearn. Unable to understand each other’s language, blind for the truth behind the lie.

 

The moment passes.

 

 As their gazes harden into a mask of hate, they become enemies once again. Izaya throws a taunt, Shizuo throws a punch, a deliberate miss from both of them, choreographed to perfection by years of routine. The familiarity of hate counters fear for a while, anger and contempt more welcome than incriminating thoughts of desire. A retreat into the well-known of cultivated habits. That's how it's always been. It’s always the same.

The bitterness on their tongues is the taste of blood and words unspoken.

 

 

 

_Are you here for irony and pain_

_Licking old wounds, are you not my friend?_

_Now you're trying, trying to blacken me_

_I haven't missed you dear_

_Why are you calling me?_

_Always leads me to you_

_Always leads me to you_

_I've been waiting for you_

_I've been waiting for you_

_My Lady Bitterness_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a year ago and never edited it until now. Never wrote a song fic before. Did I even do it right? 
> 
> Did you like it? Please tell me :) I personally think it sounds pretentious as fuck. Well, that happens sometimes with style experiments. 
> 
> By the way, I have not given up En Vogue. I'm working on the next three chapters, which I really shouldn't because I have exams but aren't we all irresponsible like that.


End file.
